Feeling that the air is missing, the lack of your voice unleashes fear inside me. The anxiety of having lost you so suddenly has doubled, invading my chest with pain. I can’t breathe! My tears close my throat, my senses drowned, inflamed by your memory.
The world spin around me. And in an instant, my bewildered brain transports me to the past where I see your girlish face in front of me. The pain that I feel is like a flash of fire that burns me inside and I would like to go back in time to have the privilege of taking you once again in my arms, caressing your hair, while I listen to the beating of your heart inside my body.
Feeling my legs wobble, I collapse to the ground. Suffering a terrible sadness that invades deep inside my skin, I suffer in this pain; longing to be able to keep my faith. Even as I feel broken, I wish I could awaken a spark of life that would ignite the movements of your body. But you continue, hopelessly, with a lost look in the darkness of your closed eyes that will not open to see me again.
I would like to isolate myself; to let my tears flow uncontrollably, to not hear any noise, to remain alone where no one can see my suffering.
I would like to isolate myself; to shout to the wind that I feel empty inside. Because a part of my body died and at this moment, I only have two emotions resonating in my heart. Sadness and pain.
I would like to isolate myself; as to not run madly to look for you, when just at that moment… two wonderful reasons intersect in the midst of my torment and a slight smile appears on my face in the midst of my loneliness and the silence of your mouth.
They ask me where is mom? And I still have no answer …
But I take them in my arms and catch my breath. Even if I wanted to live in isolation, I recognize that I cannot hide because it would be cowardly only to evade reality.
Then I begin to feel that the light of my Faith consoles my sorrow, since I have the certainty that I will find you again living in a little piece of heaven where you have gone to live. While I will lovingly take care of the offspring that you gave life to, and that will stay with me.
Seeing your face reflected in theirs, slows my senses to recognize that despite the pain, what I must isolate is suffering. And as much as it may be difficult for me to cope with this situation, I must be strong because I have many beautiful and powerful reasons to continue living. And although there may be physical separation between us, I will learn to overcome your absence without feeling lost in this world, since you will forever be part of my being and my existence.