Darkness, silence, and unconsciousness inhabited Susana’s brain until she slowly opened her eyes. Strident pulsations hit her senses, as she woke up to the painful and unexpected reality of knowing that Ana had passed away. The news was so shocking that Susana fainted at the same moment that she saw Ana’s body through the window of the room where she was in the clinic. Her heartbeat could be heard a meter away by the force with which it hit her chest. The tears in her eyes flowed uncontrollably. And a question floated over her nebulous mind, how many times can a mother’s heart suffer the loss of a child before it is finally broken?
AUTUMN COLORS IN SPRING (PART IX)
The doctor’s words provoked a chemical reaction of acidity that gnawed at Susana’s insides while dissipating all her body heat. Her legs began to tremble, and her lips turned white and cold as ice.
Submerged in the immensity of uncertainty. Trying to find an explanation for why? I feel so useless, forgotten and frustrated in the face of a world that suffocates me until I feel lost in my loneliness …
Ana held on tightly to her pencil, as her exam sheet fell to the floor, where she had two questions left to answer, but she couldn’t help but writhe in pain. Her belly had hardened and left her feeling as if a cramp ran through the lower part of her hips, pressing on her back, and causing an increase in the intensity of the pain that she was experiencing; pain that was enveloping her in a terrible and inexplicable way. Feeling her bones break inside her, she let out a resounding scream that paralyzed all the activity within the classroom.
With a slow step, and without knowing where to go, Eduardo walked with sadness imprisoned inside his chest. His thoughts did not coordinate with his steps since he knew that he could not ask any of his friends for help. However, his brain instinctively began to guide him towards Susana’s house. The road was long, and the shadows of the night began to appear out of everywhere. Eduardo walked for four hours until inadvertently he was standing in front of Susana’s door. He wanted to knock and ask to be allowed in, but he didn’t dare to do so. Eduardo was afraid of rejection by Susana. He was embarrassed too because he had nothing to offer. Feeling sorry for himself, he allowed himself to be overcome by the feeling of helplessness that he had dragged alongside him between his feet since leaving his parents’ house, which felt like a heavy burden. Feeling that he had no hope of obtaining the approval of his parents to marry Ana, he slowly slid onto his back, leaned into in the doorway until he fell asleep on the floor hugging his school bag.
Pale and dismayed, Eduardo could not answer immediately. He felt his whole body vibrating, while his masculinity woke up when he felt the rose of Ana’s hands caressing his face and hair. Stunned and with his mind alienated by the accumulation of sensations awakened by the smell of roses in spring that Ana’s perfume emanated, he slowly stammers “Yesss, Yes I want to marry you Ana”. As he watched as her reddish-gold hair shone in the sunlight, wishing for that moment to become eternal and never end.
Susana watched the clock constantly. Ten minutes had already passed after school was dismissed and Ana did not come out. Ten more minutes passed, and Susana began to despair. Something was not right, Ana might be two or three minutes late, but twenty minutes late was unusual. Susana looked for a place to park the car and began to walk towards the school office. She was nervous thinking about what could have caused Ana’s delay. Just as Susana was about to talk to the secretary, she heard Ana’s voice, “Susana, I’m here. Are we going home?”
Ana grew up being the center of the universe in Susana’s life. Ana’s childhood was full of fun and love. Susana gave herself completely to the care of her granddaughter, providing Ana with everything she needed or wanted, in such a way that Ana developed a strong character, and although sometimes uncompromising, she had a sweetly cheerful spirit and a benevolent heart.
With a pale face, trembling legs and holding the baby car seat, Susana was in front of the hospital doors when her friend Irene came to pick her up, to take her back to her apartment. The tragic news of the collapse of the little train was resounding in all the media, while in Susana’s heart it echoed like an explosion of anguish and fear for what might have happened to her family.
During the last months I have only received letters, messages, news, and feelings that express sadness, pain, suffering, despair, misunderstanding or loneliness. And I would like to remind you not to forget the loved ones who have left on a journey with no return; back to a spiritual world where they can rest until we meet them again. We just have to remember the happy moments, the loving details, the gifts received, the signs of love, the trips, the parties, the teachings and the days full of light that we have been able to share in order to feel united with them, but letting them fly free as the wind towards a world full of sun, hope, wisdom, where it can be discovered that we do not die forever, because we are bound by unbreakable ties of ETERNAL LOVE.
EMOTIONS AND PAPER STRIPS 