FORGIVE ME …

Dedicated to all who have suffered or lost a part of themselves due to COVID-19.

For me, thinking that we are living a NEW NORMALITY is an error. Because it is like wanting to disguise reality, since the truth is that we must learn to live with restrictions until a cure is found. And it is the responsibility of each one of us to avoid THE DISEASE reaches our homes.

You know what? Today, I miss you more than ever,

I would like … Well, I really don’t know what I like, you know?

I can’t express my feelings

But, nevertheless, I know that you can understand me.

I like to think that you know how much I LOVE YOU, although I cannot touch you because nonexistent forces stop me. Separating you and I, always six feet apart.

So close to you … Sometimes I feel trapped, living between screens, not being able to hug you. Without being able to touch you, I have to live with my feelings obfuscated and compressed in my despair.

Remembering … I have been able to recognize that I lived without feeling, without enjoying, without valuing your company. I miss the days when I used to go for a walk, go to school, visit a restaurant, or just walk around the neighborhood and go shopping without fear of disease.

I miss you, because the last memory I have of you is the image of a face covered without light and without hope. I miss you, because you were everything to me as I was everything to you. I have already suffered from paranoia, from feeling that I suffocate from a prolonged confinement. I miss how happy I was playing with my children when you were always by my side.

I love you … Because you know how I am. I love you … Because you know everything about me. Now I regret the anger without justification, like ghosts fly around me. Now I regret having lived so fast, always leaving the most important aside.

If only it had been more sensible, but I lived selfishly without looking at the one next to me. Sometimes I think I am still the same silly child you met, because even though I have plenty of time, I feel tied up. And I would like to change the past…  And I would like to change the present…  And I would like to change the future… But I don’t even know how I can approach you without you being afraid to touch me.

And I open the window to scream my despair, begging you to hear my voice.

Inspire me! And encourage my hope, because I want to belong to you in body and soul. Erase the impurities of the past. Clean my present so I can get back to dressing up with my best suit. Help me to recognize that I need you in my life. Change the future so I can have a chance to be worthy of the privilege of living in freedom. Now I understand, I am also guilty, and I accept it.

 

Please don’t abandon me and allow me to stay with you. I love you so much … And I need that when you see me cry, you come to me to console me, to shelter me, to accept me again.

 

Forgive me, the world caught me in its spin. Forgive the corruption that grew in me. Listen to me “OH GREAT JEHOVAH”, that I long to return to the path of love and compassion. Please guide me. Please give me the necessary wisdom to correct my mistakes. Forgive my faults and take me away from the natural enemy that I am.

 

Forgive me … I don’t want to be an angel; I just want to be better and learn from this lesson. Clean my world because I know that it can be better, because I already understood that the earth does not need to change because through this forced confinement, the one that has changed… has been ME.